


Bittersweet Eve

by Archangelsanonymous (Pattypixie)



Series: Christmas Fics [4]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Canon, Angst with a Happy Ending, Christmas Eve, Coming back from the dead, Fluff and Angst, Hallucinations, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-24
Updated: 2016-12-24
Packaged: 2018-09-11 14:00:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8982919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pattypixie/pseuds/Archangelsanonymous
Summary: Gabriel has been dead for months and after a night of heavy drinking and questionable decisions, Sam starts to hallucinate him.





	

   Sam took another sip of the brandy that he had poured himself after Dean had passed out on the queen bed closest to the door of the generic motel room that they were squatting in that week. The five-dollar, plastic and fiberglass-lit tree was glowing and changing colors on top of the TV, which was currently playing a muted version of White Christmas. He supposed Dean was just trying to be festive, but Sam had trouble getting into the spirit this year. It has been his idea to go on a hunt this close to Christmas, in an attempt to get through the holiday as distracted as possible. So far it had been working, but now they had hit a dead end and, with it being Christmas Eve and his laptop broken, there was no way for Sam to legally obtain any records to look for leads.

   That was it. Sam set his empty glass down and got up to rummage through his duffel for his darkest clothes. He would just have to break in. It wasn’t like he hadn’t done it before.

   “Don’t know if that’s a good idea, kiddo.”

   Sam looked up and saw Gabriel sitting on the edge of his bed, looking back at him. His heart skipped a little, then he shook his head and went back to gathering supplies. “I don’t speak to hallucinations anymore.”

   “Wow, rude,” Gabriel huffed, standing up.

   “You’re dead. I went back and saw the body myself,” Sam explained, shrugging on a black hoodie.

   “It wouldn’t be my first time playing dead, you know that,” Gabriel winked, then walked over to the door.

   Sam threw his backpack over his shoulder and sighed. “One, it’s been almost a year, and two, Cas confirmed it.” He walked past Gabriel and opened the door, walking out into the night toward the public library. It had started to snow a few hours before and continued as Sam walked, crunching the fresh accumulation under his feet. After a few moments of walking alone, Gabriel appeared beside him, hovering at shoulder height, laying back with his arms crossed behind his head.

   “Those are solid arguments, but I think a little water might slip through the cracks,” Gabriel sighed.

   Sam gritted his teeth and started to walk a little faster, hoping that he would stop hallucinating his dead archangel boyfriend. That much brandy was definitely a bad idea.

   “Okay, but if your drunk enough to be hallucinating me, do you really think you should be breaking into a library?” Gabriel asked, a couple paces behind Sam.

   Sam stopped. He turned around and faced Gabriel, who had decided to come back to earth, two feet solid on the ground. “Fine. What do you—or what does my subconscious want?”

   “Well, me apparently,” Gabriel smirked, stepping forward, into the light of the streetlamp. The snow that had landed on the archangel’s hair sparkled as he moved, and Sam had the urge to run his fingers through it.

   “Obviously,” Sam sighed, getting frustrated. “But what’s the point of you being here, except to cause me more pain?”

   “Hmm,” Gabriel put a finger to his chin and looked up. “Maybe you have something to tell me?” He wrapped his arms around himself and shivered. “Can we at least go talk in that diner? It’s too cold to talk out here.”

   Sam rolled his eyes, but walked toward the 24-hour diner that Gabriel pointed out. If anything, he could get some coffee in his system and try to sober up. He walked in, wiped off his boots, and then trudged to the most secluded booth in the place. As he was sitting down, he flipped over the coffee mug, indicating he wanted a cup. The waitress came over and filled it up, asking if he needed anything else. Sam shook his head and the woman walked away. After a few moments, Gabriel reappeared across from him.

   “That’s better,” Gabriel grinned, rubbing his hands together. “So, what have you got to tell me, Samster?”

   Sam took a sip of coffee, then set it down, letting it warm his hands as he stared into it. “I don’t know.”

   Gabriel leaned back and crossed his arms over his chest. “Now, I don’t believe that for a second. Are you saying you said absolutely everything you needed to say to me before I died?” He shrugged. “If that’s the case, I’m a little offended.”

   “What do you want me to say?” Sam hissed, trying to keep his voice down albeit his rage. “Anything that I wanted to say doesn’t matter because you’re not here. YOU’RE. DEAD.” He looked away from Gabriel and sipped his coffee. They sat in silence for a while longer before Gabriel spoke up again.

   “There was stuff I wanted to say to you,” Gabriel admitted.

   Sam looked over at Gabriel for a moment, then turned away again. “Great. Just what I needed. A guilt trip from my own brain.”

   “Can we just pretend I’m not a hallucination for a bit?” Gabriel begged. “Look at me. Please, Sam.”

   The hunter sighed and turned back to face Gabriel. He looked up and scanned the face that he had been spending most of the year trying to forget. Gabriel’s eyes were as golden as ever, and he could remember not wanting to stop staring when they kissed, but couldn’t help it once those soft lips touched his. They always had their way of pulling a moan out of him, no matter what part of his body they were on. Tears started to well in Sam’s eyes and he looked away as he remembered that he would never feel them again. “I…I can’t.”

   “I love you,” Gabriel blurted. “I love you so much, Sam.” The confession caused Sam to look back at him. “I’m an idiot and I never told you, but I thought you knew. Maybe you did, deep down, but I should have said it.”

   “Gabriel…”

   “I never meant to leave you,” Gabriel continued. “But, you’re human! I’m going to outlive you no matter what! It just made more sense to leave when it mattered least, right? Okay, I admit, maybe it wasn’t the best way to deal with my problems, and I realize that now, but—“

   “What the hell are you saying?” Sam shouted. The outburst caught the attention of the waitress and she came over, looking between Sam and the other, supposedly empty, seat.

   “Everything okay here, boys?” She asked.

   “We’re fine,” Gabriel smiled up at the woman.

   “Alright…” The waitress walked away, skeptical, while Sam stared at Gabriel as if he was looking at a ghost. Well, to him, he was.

   “Well, this is awkward…” Gabriel tapped his fingers on the table and gave Sam a half-smile.

   “Why could she see you?” Sam demanded.

   “I thought that was kinda obvious, Sammy,” Gabriel shrugged. “I’m alive. Ta da?”

   Sam took a moment to attempt to process what was happening before sliding out of the booth and slamming a few dollars down on the table. He stormed out of the diner and out into the snow. After a few moments of walking back to the motel alone, he could hear Gabriel walking behind him.

   “Go away,” Sam grunted, walking faster.

   “What? You find out I’m alive, and now you want me to leave again?” Gabriel argued.

   Sam stopped and spun around to face the archangel. “It’s been months, Gabriel!” He yelled. “You can’t just come back from the dead—which you apparently faked because you were trying to spare my emotions or some shit—and expect everything to go back to normal!”

   “But, I—“

   “No,” Sam interrupted. “There’s nothing you can say that can make this better. You know what I went through with Jess! How could you think that the death of another person that I had fallen in love with would be okay?”

   “You love me?” Gabriel asked, meekly.

   “Yes, you idiot,” Sam spat. “Even if you broke my heart.”

   “What…” Gabriel paused and sighed. “I know I fucked up. Like, apocalyptic proportions—oh…bad example.” He winced, then stepped toward Sam. “Just…What will make you trust me again? What can I do so you know I’ll never ever leave you again?”

   Sam stared at Gabriel for a moment, then looked away. “It’s not like that. You can’t just fix this with a snap like everything else, Gabriel.”

   “If you need time, I can do that,” Gabriel suggested. “I have nothing but time. I’ll wait as long as it takes.”

   Sam looked up at his angel, slowly being coated with a dusting of snow, and realized that time was something  _ he _ didn’t have. They could be back on the hunt tomorrow and he could be killed by any number of things. Sure, Gabriel had done something absolutely horrible, but the main thing was that he was alive. He was here, and Sam couldn’t have asked for a better Christmas miracle.

   Sam stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Gabriel, nuzzling his face into the angel’s cold, snow-capped hair. “Just…” He could feel tears falling onto his cheeks, leaving hot streaks against his cold skin. “Stay. Stay by my side. Promise you’ll never leave me again.”

   Gabriel let out a breath of relief as he was embraced by Sam, returning the hug. “Never again. I promise.”

   Sam let go enough to pull away and look at Gabriel. He chuckled a little and bent down as Gabriel went to his tiptoes so they could meet for their first kiss in months. As expected, a soft moan escaped Sam as they kissed and Gabriel smiled.

   “Merry Christmas, Sam.”

**Author's Note:**

> Find me!  
> Twitter: @pattypixie  
> Tumblr: Archangelsanonymous


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